Then again maybe spring isn't here.

A moment of reflection and appreciation

When things get really hard and you are transitioning into something new I think its important to surround myself around positive people. People I can talk to, people who can give me advice, lean on, vent to.

Half way into the week I have been able to lean on some very important people so here comes the shout out. I have thanked many of these people before but it just goes to show me that these people are my number one supporters and I am so very very very lucky to have them in my life.

First my number one person, my Markness. There to greet me with open arms when I may have been a 'little' on the sad side. I am so happy to have such an encourager and cheerleader on my side. I know I could do it without him but I am sure as heck glad I don't have to. He makes my life happier in these times of change and gives me the perspective I need.

My two moms, mom and mom in law. They are both there for an earful of my venting, listening to my fears, encouraging me along. Both available to listen a lot last night. They empathize in just the right way. Also having them both experienced in the health profession helps me loads.

My friendlings in the same field. Robyn and Casey. They are living my same life or have and can give helpful hints of what can be done better. Plus they have fun stories in return. I am indebted to them. Plus they make me laugh. Something I need!

Finally some new people I have met in my working life. Team members and management who have offered me support, a hand, help and etc., when I just am unable to help them in return. I will remember this forever and will hopefully return the gift one day or pass it along to another newbie.

And I think I am going to so a shout out to myself. After talking to these said people I have realized how far I have come and really there is so much growth to follow! Give me time!

Love

Birthday boy

Well this has been a busy busy month. And I have to say, I have kind of lacked in the picture taking. There are a few but really not worth putting up. But I do have some of a very special man in my life celebrating his birthday last weekend. I am working on his big day so we decided to have it a little early.

What were his requests? Sloppy joes and ice cream cake. Sigh. Exactly what he picked when we were kids. He he. I made salad to green the meal up. Lol. Gifts were given by my parents: paint by numbers and taco bowls and mark and I: three things of tea (one included was birthday cake) and a portable tea diffuser mug. Good times.

I hope he had fun, minus the minor incident of kitty escaping. I have already said how much I adore my bro. He is pretty awesome. I would be terribly sad if he didn't live near us as I love listening to his laugher and jokes. I am glad that we can get together every Sunday or at least every second Sunday to have dinner and chat it up.

Happy birthday Jimi

Snow is melting.

Don't tell anyone but I think spring is here.

Another lesson to learn

With my new job I am learning tons of valuable skills everyday to help my patients. As a new grad, and it has been reinforced by the literature, it can be quite overwhelming. Some days I take it in stride and others I take it home.

That is the one thing that I am trying very hard not to do. Believe me it is hard. Especially for someone that strives for perfection in a not so perfect world. I begin to analyze my every move until my head is left spinning. I knew I was in trouble one night when I couldn't sleep and I was having circular dreams of being on the unit. Work is obviously on the brain.

When that night happened, (luckily I wasn't working the next day) I started to look for blogs. I came across this lovely lady right here. All of her lovely lists really hit home. Especially the first one of being patient. I am finding this the most frustrating as I just want to know everything now. Something that isn't plausible. I really do need to just be patient, continue to ask questions, keep calm, carry on!

Continuing on and scrolling down I read the most important one, don't beat myself up. It was like she was talking to me. She knew that that is what I was doing. And with that I decided to take on one of my very first and most important assignments after getting this job. Not taking work home with me.

Many people have already said this to me. I think it's hard for me as the drive is pretty long and I am really just left with thoughts. But I really must must try to make a conscious effort to leave work with work. Shut my mind off, listen to loud music, eat healthy and run hard. I owe it to myself, my partner, and even my coworkers and patients. This is my mental health and it needs to be valued as it not only affects me but those around me!

Wish me luck on my new assignment.

Love

Bought and sold...

He knows.

I don't know how but he knows.
He has had many acts of rebellion.
Running downstairs, foot fancy free.

Squeezing through the front door,
Through the gate, and into another's yard.
Listening intently for two hours,
As his family cries his name, willing him to be found.

He knows. As he scrapes through our door in a flash.
Jets down to the basement and hides in the storage room,
Then the furnace room, then back to the storage room.
When caught he lets out a cry in dismay.

Wendy thinks this is normal behavior.
He is spring kitty.
Dying to be let out and roam the plains.
I think he knows.

He knows we are moving.
He knows he has to leave this place.
And he is not to happy about it.
If you don't believe me read this.

He knows.

Love

We committed.

Well it seems that our house hunting has come to an end. Yes. It is true. We found our perfect fit. It happened just how we predicted it would. We both just knew. My requirement of a big kitchen and Marks requirement of a fantastical yard worked. And everything else seemed pretty fab too.

Of course we wanted to make sure and got some veteran house buyers to take a walk through and an Internet search. Both parents seemed to think it worked. But of course, again, we needed to be doubly sure, getting a house inspector to check it out. He thought it was pretty good too, in his inspector opinion.

There is some work to be done. And I may have had a mini panic attack the next day thinking how are we going to furnish this place and make it look acceptable. But I talked myself down....with the help of my partner saying that it will take time and really there is no need to make things perfect overnight, or at all.

The only sad bit about this process is that it is over. I had fun going through the houses and checking out how people decorate, how they utilize space and what not. It was a very fun process and a little shorter than my liking. But if you find the one, you must stick with it!

This year is full of plenty beginnings for us. I must take a minute or too to just reflect and feel grateful for some of the fantastic things that have come our way. Many people in our lives have been so super supportive of us during this housing process. Big special shout out to both sets of parents. They have educated us in so many ways regarding this new process. We love you and couldn't have done it without you!

And I have a personal moment of gratitude to my partner in crime as he has really taken helm of this very big process for us. Making the calls, appointments, attending the meeting, as I am orientating to my new job. He has been superb. Although I did enjoy his little joke that I was getting even with him for his 'involvement' in our wedding. Jk. He really has stepped up and done a great job. Xoxox

With all these new changes, beginnings, and opportunities I am reminded of a movie from when I was young, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't slow down and look around, you might miss it" (ferris bueller, 1986).

Love

My first month

This last month my mind has been in a bit of turmoil. Change is never the greatest thing I go through and starting a new job is always a nerve wracking thing. So I find myself going through the process in my mind of how I am doing in this first month of working. Lots of newness and challenges. One very happy perk is that I really like people and I think I am good at talking with them. Maybe, even, be pretty good at resolving conflicts?

I knew this already but it clicked at how important it truly is. You hear it all the time in school. All the touchy feely stuff that people mock. You spend semesters learning, theorizing and debating how it works yet not really knowing how to do it. The funny thing is the patient really is never going to care how well you did that dressing, or how perfectly you did that iv start. But they do care how you treat them, talk to them and how you give care.

There are many of my friends and family that have been patients and told me their feelings of being that person cared for, their fears, angers and frustrations. They wanted respect. They wanted to talk. They wanted to be heard. They wanted answers. The answers can sometimes be hard to find, but I am trying and will continue to try and work hard at finding them.

I am trying my best to weave through the system and provide care in a 'caring' manner. I think that accounts for something.

Love

Home alone in the big city

It was my mom's biggest fear. A fear that I thought was silly and would never happen. To be all alone in New York City and not know what to do. We took steps to prevent this. Of course first we would never be all alone since we were traveling with our partners. We exchanged flight information, told each other the address of the apartment we would be staying and had numbers, iPads, and a meeting point in the airport.

We (Tracey and Mark) were in Toronto when we got the first iPad message. Dad and mom were in Philadelphia. There flight was delayed and they wouldn't be arriving till four pm. Our flight would be in at 345pm. So the logical step was to meet them at their gates. Message sent in return and no reply. So off we boarded heading to New York City.

La Guardia airport and my mind lapses as I realize we are at different terminals. We gather our luggage and head for the ten minute walk to theirs. We wait. Nothing. I call their cell. Nothing. No free wifi there. I pay, turn on my IPad. Nothing. We head back to the Air Canada terminal. No parents there. I continue to call. Send messages. Go back to their terminal, go back to ours. Back and forth, back and forth.

I am now visibly upset. Where are my parents? Why have they not called. Texted. We are tired. Mark suggests that we head to the hotel as that is where he thinks they headed. This appalls me. Not Mark's idea but the suggestion that they wouldn't have waited. More agitated I finally relent and call the owner of the apartment. He says no one has called him. But I am more likely to think what Mark is saying is right. They must be waiting for us outside at the door. In the rain, with their luggage.

Off we go taking our first NYC cab in NYC. At the apartment. No parents. We meet Peter. Nice man. Showed us the place. I tried my best to listen but all I really wanted was the wifi key to turn on my IPad. He showed us the place. Sweet, great space, prime location, amenities all included. Out the door. IPad on. No parents. We text my brother. He hasn't heard. The home alone jokes start. Look in Central Park. Find the lady with the pigeons. I find them mildly amusing but only mildly. Where did they go? They are well versed in traveling, having traveled all their lives.

I go outside thinking they must have grabbed a bite to eat. Negative. Upstairs I go and Mark holding our one sole communicative device, gets a message. 7pm. We are at the airport. Just landed. How much is the cab? Found.

What happened to them. Their flight got cancelled in Philadelphia. Actually rephrase. My dads flight got cancelled. Leaving mom to travel on her own to NYC. She refused as I stated before. It was a fear. And as it turns out her fear was likely to occur. They texted, they emailed. And their IPad failed to deliver the messages. Their pay and talk phone failed to make calls. Basically communication failed them. They took a late flight. One we never knew about and made it.

Once at our apartment we had our hugs, welcomes, told our exasperated stories and the real fun began. First stop pizza slices on restaurant row. The rest of the vacation was smooth sailing and lovely. All one really could ask for.

But for once. Just once. I would like a smooth arrival for everyone in my family. Just once!

I don't know why I do this.

Maybe it's for the reaction.
Maybe it's to see if he will like it.
Maybe it's for the hope he will like it.
Maybe it's because I like to laugh.

I made pesto with cauliflower.
Last time I tried asparagus.
Pasta is his favorite food group.
If it is considered a group.
Pesto is even a better food group.

It didn't fly again.
He ate his least fav food first.
That was salad.
He then had a smile on his face as he took a heaping spoonful of pasta.
Then his reaction changed.

It looked doubtful.
It was wondering what was in his mouth.
It made me cry with laughter.
Then he started to laugh.
I think I know now why I do this.

Love