Never fully dressed without a smile

love love this glee. mainly because it has one of my favourite songs from annie, loved when all the orphans sang this part!



and of course the original.


love

a lot of thoughts

this last clinical (although not over) has been truly a fascinating one for me. my biggest complaint i have with my clinicals is life moves fast and hard. i am constantly learning and relearning and then learning again, that my mind feels spinny. i never truly get to wrap my thoughts and think and reflect about anything. then i start theory and i become wrapped up in learning more things.

this time around has been nice. first i get to see some extraordinary leaders at work. i get to see what it means to be a leader, live a leadership role, and try it out (it's hard). it has given me a chance to strive for more in my professional development (although i seriously am in need of a break from school, so not for awhile).

i have also experienced simulation labs. now i am not going to get into specifics (breaks confidentiality and all) but i will say that they have been the best part i have ever experienced (to date) in the theory part. and believe me when i say this, i hate sim. in the past i have felt self-conscience, not knowing what to do, and made me feel a little stupider as i left the room.

this time i have left knowing more about myself. for instance how i communicate in certain situations. exploring topics that i am uncomfortable talking about and things that i thought i knew tons about but when talking realizing i do not, nor do i have the words to find. it has been a month full of self-realization and growth.

i really can't ask for more from school or myself.

love

List of thanks and happiness

With the season approaching I feel the need to write a list of all that makes me happy and how I am so thankful for them.

- changing leaves. So lovely right now and with that, the warm weather as the leaves have not blown off and I can appreciate them all the more as I run in the river valley.
- market days with my loveliness. I love our Saturday morning dates of pasta, hot dogs, and loads of fruit. It's wonderful.
- opportunities to learn so much about myself and the ability to change and grow. I think this is a post in itself but this clinical has taught me so many valuable things.
- family. I love all of them so much. This year for certain has taught me how important each member is and how special each one is to me.
- friends. It is amazing to see friendships truly shine. I love all my friends and know how amazing they are. It was special that others got the opportunity to see it too!
- a fantastic partner to spend my time with. He is just so much fun. And funny. I can laugh so fantasticly with him and still have those serious talks. He picks me up and gives me hugs in all the right moments. Lucky me.

I know there is more to add but I think that is the best moment to end it.

Love

a thought

"if there's nothing you could have done differently, then stop blaming yourself for the way things happened"

i found this on someone's facebook status one day over the summer and loved it. especially with the profession that i be entering soon and to those that rehash things in your jobs, it is an excellent phrase to live by. i wish i remember who wrote this because i would thank them! definitely words that i will be bringing up to myself when i feel a little down!

love

How does it feel?

I am at a stage right at this very moment of extreme frustration, a little bit of anger and wonder.

Our car got broken between last night and today. As I went into the car this afternoon to scoot off to work I noticed the change drawer had been ripped out of the car.

My first instinct was "Awe, Mark needed coffee money this morning and he was in a rush".

But as I further explored I noticed garbage strewn on the ground. Why would Mark do that? Then glass in the backseat. Then a broken window. I know Mark isn't that desperate for coffee money...atleast I hope not. He he he.

Knowing we really keep absolutely no value in the car except for change to pay for parking, or a car wash, I wasn't too worried about anything missing. But I was still frustrated. The future hassle for just 2-5 dollars seems quite ridiculous. Especially when the repairs might be 100 times more that.

I then had a cancelled my shift for work and extra calls needing to be made. That was where the feeling of anger may have occurred. What can I say, I hate added nuisance.

Then wonder came. Further reinforced by Mark (who I am incredibly thankful for as he came home as soon as he heard my shaky voice). Both of our thoughts went to the idea of what gets a person to the point where they would do that to someones property for simple amount of change.

Just that thought makes me sad, and sort of frightened for them that they were that desperate to steal so little.

Just a little thought. That little thought helps a bit with the frustrating and angry thoughts. And I will cling to that little thought when the frustration and anger may start to intrude my brain during the next few days and try to escalate. Because its a sad thought that deserves my compassion and should supersede frustration and anger.

Love

It's here and I am back and I learned something

So here is a little post on something I have been dreading in the last few weeks. Really, it's something I should be excited about since I will be done so soon. But after a bit of a fantasy, like our summer end, school was really hard to think about let alone do all the grinding like activities.

So what do I think of this tiny little introduction so far into my leadership clinical? Pretty interesting (and I am not going to lie), a nursing leaders job looks supremely tough and I am sooo not ready for it right now (yet something that I hope one day to strive to be).

So that is it. I am sure I will be filled with stress and angst once the due dates to my assignments come through. But as of right now I am happy and positive.

And I heard one little tidbit today re how someone handles stressful situations and I really felt it. I think it should be integrated into my way living. The lady said that a stressful event is just a temporary moment in time. It will go away. Ahhh. Words to live by. So simple and so true.

Love

P.S. The cupcakes have started to come back. That was pretty awesome too!

tower of london and british museum

one thing that i particularly enjoyed about going to europe with my partner in crime was seeing how much he really did enjoy the things around him. mark is normally a hiker, wanting to explore the outdoors, see nature untouched, and get down to the ruggedness of life. although he was enthusiastic about the trip i really couldn't figure out what HE really wanted to do. but he seemed to embrace the cultures. he tried out more food than even i was willing (that is just crazy as i am a human garburator), took all the tours of the historical areas with such interest, and just seemed to enjoy every minute.

the parts i loved watching him was the tour of the tower of london. when planning the london leg i asked what he wanted to see when there. the tower and the museum. on the first day we passed the tower on our way to the tower bridge and he could have been a two year old boy at christmas for how happy he was. especially when he saw the white tower. lol. i think that was one of the more fantastic memories.

i particularly enjoyed it for the history. i never realized that i knew as much as i did about henry the VII and anne boleyn. it excited me similarly of how marie antoinette excited me. who knew that about myself?

then we went to the british museum of natural history. mark of course knew all about the rosetta stone. but he was more fascinated with the antiquities and their set up. unlike the louvre, the museum had workers set up at stations where one could touch and feel all the ancient artifacts. you would have thought mark was a kid in a candy store. he was quite amusing.

i have to admit that for me, i was slightly tired on that leg to the museum. i think all the plenty of walking and travel was finally wearing on me. that was the day i had a long nap after returning! he he. but it was still fun to watch him and i would not have missed that for the world.

love

museums i heart you!

i have an over fondness of museums. and in particular art museums. i don't know if i grew up with this taste. i know we visited quite a few when i was young, from the space museum, to a medical one in manitoba, to of course the provincial one where i live today. i think the one that impacted me the most was when i went to the beaverbrook gallery in new brunswick and saw "santiago el grande" by salvador dali. it was huge and magnifcent. it seemed like my dad and i stood there for quite sometime taking it all in. that was when i felt i loved art.

after that i took off. a high school trip to italy we traveled to florence and saw the "madonna della seggiola" by raphael and the "birth of venus" by sandro botticelli and the work of michelangelo's in the sistine chapel at the vatican. then jeaninne and i continued to hit hot spots in new york where i fell in love with the guggenheim, "starry night" by van gogh in the moma, and toured as much as we could in the met.

when the honeymoon trip came up i did have a few dreams of seeing other pieces of work. the real david in florence (something truly magnificent), was one. but the absolute, the one place that i wanted to spend a vast amount of my time and one of the MAIN reasons for going to paris was to visit the louvre and see the mona lisa.

luckily i married the right man as he also has a fondness for museums like myself. he tends to spend most of his time in the antiquities section, being immersed in the ancient histories and cultures. i humor him there, as he examines the walls with writings, the sculptures with intimidating beasts attached and the armor used in battle. AND he humors me in the art section. listening to the artists motivations, watching me as i piece out the detail of a painting and analyze the brushstrokes.

we did not take this louvre tour lightly. suiting up with our audio tours around our neck we ventured off to discover all we could. after that we got another tour this time with someone that specialized in art who could explain all the masterpeices in the museum and show us where they were. AND just a side note about that tourguide, we enjoyed him thoroughly as he had a combination of humor, passion for art and he looked like elvis!

after that (because certainly that is not enough time to spend), we ventured off again on our own private tour to catch more of da vinci's work, and see more french history.

a definite highlight and renewed love was found again.
love

to you with love

i know i have been so concentrated on our honeymoon that i really never put into focus what got us there in the first place. our wedding and the day we officially got married. so in honour of that wonderful day, i thought i would put some very important words up here that we wrote to one another. he he remember this. i actually did write (and re-write, and re-write again) a speech that day and within the following weeks, about my now husband.

here it is:

I am not one for speeches or public speaking for that matter (ask a few of my nursing buddies that are present). So I thought the easiest way to write a speech was in the form of a letter. Obviously a public letter but it’s addressed to mark. So here we go:

Dear Mark,

We have reached another milestone in our 5 years in counting together. Although we have always sworn to each other that we would be partners for life and all that it brings we have made it official with government documents and all! Plus there is that added perk of making our families very happy!

Because of this happy occasion I thought I would look back at some special memories that I have of you and what got me to this point of speaking publicly.

I first met you when we were volunteering at the mustard seed. I have to admit, I thought you pretty cute. I remember very distinctly Casey CONSTANTLY pestering me to ask you out. But I was shy, and knew nothing about you. Then one fateful day I gave you a ride home and asked you why you decided to volunteer. Your response was that people had done a lot for you when you needed help, and you felt it was your time to give back. Well you sure knew how to hook me. I think at that moment I was yours. You have such a big heart that has an even bigger capacity to care, love and always think of others in need. This never ceases to amaze me.

That first year there were many moments that you “entranced” me. One involved a special gentlemen by the name of Hieu. He bared witness to our new relationship as we had been going out just under 3 months and happened to be sitting next to him at a hockey game, much to my dismay. Hieu began the grilling with endless questions to you and you passed valiantly. Probably you both having a passion for hockey helped! I must say that I was equally impressed at both of yours and his ability to accept one another, as you are both tricky men to impress.

With the many years that have passed you still amaze me. I discovered the passion you feel with everything around you. Mark you tackle life with such fervor. You refuse to look at things in black and white and always see the gray in everything you do. This is something that always makes Jeaninne laugh as she says; “It must be hard being Mark sometimes.” Maybe this is true, but your ability to think beyond the rules and structure makes things exciting, challenges me and others to look at the world differently, and I think it is what makes you an exceptional in your work and family life.

You have provided me with endless support and fabulous pep talks. As well as cupcakes, lots of cupcakes. Thanks for those, as they have come at the perfect time during school when I have just reached my peak in stress. And just a heads up, those cupcakes and talks may need to continue. I am starting my career in January. It’s not going to be pretty! I am glad now that we are now married so you really can’t escape me.

I have had so much fun these last five years. You are the one person that can make me laugh harder than I have ever laughed before. Your spontaneity has lead us to having pillow fights in hotels, snowball fights in the kitchen and dancing under the night sky. I love your ability to seek joy and be happy. I can’t wait to see what other trouble and adventures we will get into in the future.

Lastly I just want to say that I have never been more proud of you than this year watching you achieve your dream of being a teacher. Sometimes it was tough but you worked so hard to be a good teacher to your kids. I think that they are lucky to have someone that invests in them the way you do.

That’s it. That’s all I have to say. Except I love you,

Tracey

and his to me:

You know, its funny how having to write a speech like this can get you thinking. There I was lying in bed last night, all ready to start writing my speech, when I realized that there was a million reasons to toast Tracey this evening. I just had to figure out which things I shouldn't say and then I could go from there. I also figured that a list of adjectives just wouldn't do as not everyone here knows Tracey as well as I do, so I though some examples might help.

Tracey is smart and kind. For example, when I run into a problem that I view as insurmountable and am feeling pissed off at the world about it, she often solves it and then waits to gloat until after I am feeling better. 

She cares about others. This example was tough to pick because I had such a large number of options to choose from. The most meaningful example for everyone here tonight was that she wanted to reduce the number of speeches about how wonderful we are so that everyone could get to having fun.

She's a terrific organizer. Now this one was easy, she was already preacticing her toast before I had even started writing mine.

Tracey is fun. When Tracey and I became an item people would always be asking us what we were laughing at. After the first couple of explanations I realized that it wasn't what we were laughing at that was so funny as no one else laughed. It was that Tracey and I were involved in it that made it funny.

Tracey is fun. Okay I already said it but this one deserves a few more examples. I have been in more water fights in the last 5 years since I met Tracey then the 27 years before meeting Tracey. Once when Tracey was in the shower, I pretended to leave the bathroom and absentmindedly shut off the light on the way out, as I often do. Only this time I didn't actually leave the bathroom. I sat there in the dark and waited for 30 seconds for her to stop calling me to come back. Just as she was about to get out of the shower and turn the light on herself. I whipped open the shower curtain with my left hand. Turned on my blindingly bright headlamp with my right and yelled. I would have killed someone that did that to me, but Tracey was laughing about it in under 10 seconds and even complimented me on it later.

Tracey is forgiving. No new examples needed for that one. 

Tracey is wise beyond her years. My mother once told me that everyone should have someone they love stand up in front of a big group of people and say good things about them at least once in their life. She had a lot of reasons for saying that and I thought it was a pretty wise thing to say. To my knowledge she never told that to Tracey. Yet when we were planning this wedding Tracey thought we should give the toast to each other for many of the same reasons.

Tracey, you are smart, you are kind, you care about others, your a terrific organizer, your fun, your forgiving and you are wise. I love you.

we both are pretty lucky!
love

they are back.....

remember this....

well the fruit fly traps are out again...as they are back with vengeance...

its not going to be pretty...

we will see who survives this battle

love

stonehenge

i really don't know if i can say very much about this place other than i fell in love with its mystique.

when we had first decided to come to london this was the one thing that was on my list. even though it wasn't in london at all. ha ha. but mark as always (the fabulous trip guru that he is) came through and found us a tour that would take us to the fabulous stonehenge.

truthfully when you look at the pictures, this is it. but i loved it. i loved listening to the many theories of what got these rocks in this position. and i love it more that it continues to be clouded in so much mystery as people today (although continue to speculate) do not the exact purpose of these rocks. i love that they have stumped us as a whole. and i love that people gather around, circling the whole structure, and continue to wonder what went on before.

oh stonehenge. i really love you.

love

when one gets sick, one must find an opportunity

it is officially september. this is the month i have been dreading as the beginning of school is so close. mark and i recently joked that we really should have concentrated on not having one of the most brilliant summers of our lives as maybe we would want to go back to our routines...sigh.

i know i will be done soon, but these next months are going to be hard and challenging. it seems a little daunting. i just keep repeating my mantra, one step at a time, so i don't get too ahead of myself (and start to freak out, ha ha).

today is also a day that is quite chilly, a little rainy and all around the beginning of fall. i thought it was a good time to reminisce about some more happy honeymoon memories. london! there is no way that london was as chilly as it appears today, however it was chillier compared to all the other warm places we went to.

but why did we go to london exactly. this was never part of the plan. everyone knows it as it was in our program at the wedding. london was our "spontaneous" part of the trip. before leaving mark, much to his dismay, had a four day gap where we had no where to be or go. i found this part kind of exciting.

"we could just hop on a train, and go," i would tell him.

he really wasn't having this. mark plans vacations and he is most excellent at doing this. he plans what we do, where to go, how we will get there. all things are in place. the idea of being spontaneous was not according to the plan....but neither was getting sick.

we were just leaving paris on our way to the hike when mark started to feel sick. the previous night he did not feel great, coughing a great deal. then we got to chamonix and he started to run a fever. this was extremely unfortunate due to the circumstances as the next day we were suppose to start our hike. luckily, we could take a bus from chamonix to argentiere. which is just what we did, seeing if we could ride our this cold and get some hiking in...

then i got sick. ugh. regardless, we decided the next day we were going to do the hike (another time and post to talk about that). but overall, it was obvious to both of us, that hiking may not be the best thing to do when trying to get better from a cold.

so because we were busing (instead of hiking to hotels). AND we would spend the majority of our time in our hotel room watching the olympics, we thought, we might as well join them. hopping on a train, then another train, another train after that, then the chunnel we arrived in london!

AND IT WAS FANTASTIC! something that we never realized was how much we missed fluently talking to other people. we could understand what was going on around us. we could respond. it was lovely. AND we were greeted with volunteers handing out maps of london and offering plenty of advice on how to get where we wanted to go. we traveled to london at the best possible time as the olympics was set up for foreigners to visit the country.

so thank you london. you helped us get well as we could ride your tube, with no troubles. we could rest our weary bodies in hyde park, watching the olympic games. we could check out sights, sounds, and flavours without hiking monstrous heights and worrying about running out of water. london you were grande! and we got better. most would be upset about being sick on their holidays. but it was a minor blip and we thank you london for healing us!

love